It's Ore-Ida!

The last day of the year-  a time for reflection AKA looking back and seeing if you screwed up too badly.

This last year was seriously a year of upheaval carried over from 2010.  In the summer of 2010, I hated my job and had a particularly bad week. I went online to job search and came across some ads for an outpatient position for a physical therapist assistant. One in particular I was interested in because I had attended a continuing ed class with that organization and liked it.  It was in the 4th biggest city in the US and about 3.5 hours from where I lived at the time; did I mention that? I filled out the application, set my salary high, and decided what happened happened. A few weeks went by with nothing and then I got a call.  I talked to HR a couple times, I did a phone interview, and then after spending a weekend in Houston I stayed over on Monday morning for an early AM interview. HR called me and said "are you serious with that salary demand?" and I answered that I had been working in home health for a few years and my demand wasn't that crazy but I would negotiate. I decided on a number I would definitely take and they called back with a number that  including a sign on bonus was $1000 less than I would definitely take.  It was close enough and I moved into an Extended Stay Hotel in September.

I am so not a risk taker and I've spent most of my life playing it beyond safe, so this was a ginormous step for me. I got used to living by myself but missed my family immensely.  Around Thanksgiving I decided to travel down to CC every weekend to do family/Christmas things. On that first weekend, I got knocked out. I drove down Friday after work, talking to several people about plans. On Saturday, my sister and I went and saw our dad, stepmom, and stepsiblings and then later I went to dinner and played RockBand with more family and friends.  On Sunday, I woke up because my stepmom had called me that my dad was on his way to the hospital that she thinks he might have had a stroke. The stroke turned out to be an aneursym in his brain and before the end of the night my stepmom, sister, and I were talking about organ donation. We did decide on organ donation and between that and that my dad was a big deal in the fire department we had some media attention on top of dealing with the fact that his sudden death had knocked us on our asses.  I would not change the organ donation decision but wow, that makes things harder on the family. For all intents and purposes, Dad died on Dec 5th, but he was not declared until Dec 6th. Then he was kept clinically alive through Dec 7th until all the organs could be harvested.  I'm not sure how many times we said good-bye. My stepmom couldn't make herself leave especially at night. We have little stepsiblings that had to be told (my oldest stepbrother, 13 at the time, spent limited time at the hospital, but the littles 4 and 6 were not told until everything was done).

Surviving the first few weeks after that were rough, first my sister stayed with me during the week but then she had to be in CC since we were still trying to sell the house and my mom had work, etc. Then I was in Houston  by myself. I remembered asking my sister if she still wanted to move to Houston; she said she did. In that moment of emotional upheaval, I would've gone back to a job I disliked just to be in the familiar for the sake of myself and my family.  But I went back and liking my job makes such a huge difference for me.  The evenings were tougher though. Dealing with losing dad and the fact that my house that I loved, but needed to sell in Corpus was not selling or even being shown, gave me such a feeling of being out of control.

I hate lack of control.  I am by no means a control freak, but I do need to feel as though I have handle on things (I've never been crazy, stupid drunk for this reason).  Usually I eat my feelings. This time I decided to take an unhealthy viewpoint and spin it to make it healthy for me.  The main thing with anorexics and bullimics is that they need to control what calories they intake and burn. They take it to the extreme but since I'm a chunk I thought I can make this work for me. And I did. I did not deprive myself of everything good. In fact when I lived by myself I usually had Ben and Jerry's in my freezer. But I made the decision about what I ate and what activity I did.  It was strangely liberating to order myself around. Will I feel better if I eat all the chocolate I have in my hotel room? No?  Ok, let me eat two pieces of chocolate and these veggies. Will ice cream make me feel better?  A little bit. So, just have a few bites out of the carton (I was also into doing as few dishes as possible) and then move on.  Feeling anxious or sad?  Like you can't sit still?  Maybe you shouldn't then.  Go out and run around the block or do some yoga. To further my inspiration these crazy girls, Annie and Becca, started the #2011pushupchallenge and I had something to do every or every other day (http://www.facebook.com/2011PushUpChallenge).

It worked really, really well for me.  I bought size 20 pants for my job interview in July 2010 (which was down from the size 22/24 pants I had bought a few months prior). By March of 2011, I went shopping and was able to buy size 16 pants! In May, I stopped paying the mortgage on my house in Corpus and searched for an owner financed home in Houston. I probably gained a good 10 lb in that process and the packing/moving process. I lost that by the end of the summer and then I looked at my goals. I wanted to run a 5K by the end of the year and I wanted to do a half marathon (cause all the cool kids were doing it) and wanted to do Beach to Bay.  I decided physically and financially my goal of running in Vegas in December wasn't going to happen.  The 5K needed to happen though because I was slacking with nothing to work towards.  I signed up and paid for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure on October 1st.  I ran/walked  and have no idea how I did timewise, but I was still breathing at the end and was enough of a runner to get annoyed by the five abreast walkers.  Somewhere during the fall, I dropped another size and was solidly (not loosely) in size 14 pants.  The shirt size varied because the ladies are large and in charge and I've lost inches around but not dropped a cup size yet (not an altogether bad thing).

With all this exercise and compliments from family, friends, and patients I had so much more confidence and felt like I deserved more.  I have seriously not dated in eight years. Yes, that's right eight years.  Apart from a couple awkward meetings from a guy I met online that fizzled quickly and a consideration of a friends with benefits deal that never materialized, the romance in my life was null. So, the profile I had up on match.com got updated and I gave it a shot. I started talking to two guys in particular; one caught me on free trial day and the other was bright enough to figure out my hidden clues because I'm cheap and didn't want to pay. I've emailed with a few others.  I've been out on two dates each with the first two guys and the one is way too nice for me; I'm a bit of a bitch. The other guy's dates went extremely well but now I haven't heard from him so I'm trying not to let my new found confidence get knocked to the ground. To counter and soothe the ego, I agreed to the second date with  Nice Guy (yeah, really nice and I am way bitchy) and have been corresponding with another guy, Sports Guy, and just car flirted with a random guy on the way home from a run. I had tried online dating before with not much success and now I think I know why.  I was terrified to meet someone when I tried previously. Shaking, sick to my stomach terrified. This time around I was nervous but not terrified. The difference in my self confidence is pretty amazing. If he doesn't like me or vice versa the world will not end. But thanks to the paranoia safety concerns, my dad instilled in me I take circumspect routes home and park under a light especially with the guys I'm not as fond of.

The dating thing wasn't a goal of mine this year and last New Year's I didn't set any goals. My goals developed over the course of the year and I haven't exactly met them. One goal was to get into a size 12 by the end of the year. Well, I found a pair of old size 12 pants and technically I am in them.  As I type this, they are cutting off my blood supply.  I had to lie down on the bed to zip and button them but I am in them. Another goal was to be below a certain weight.  Last time I weighed myself (earlier this week), I was about 5 lbs over that weight. I really meant I wanted this by Chinese New Year? Any takers? But seriously, I'm kind of okay with not getting there.  Of course, I would have preferred to be in a loose size 12 and been under that magic number but I'm so close and it's so much better than last year. I can now run and am not embarrassed by how quickly I tire out. I ran/walk a 5K today and did 365 push-ups (old school girly style) and I could not have imagined doing either last year at this time.

Me on the far left in Nov 2008

December 2011

There's a huge difference there that goes beyond weight although my weight is tied into it. I like myself better. I really want kids and before this year I thought that would only happen on my own.  I'm okay with that happening on my own, but I'm willing to explore the possibility of it happening as a result of a great relationship as well.  I did not accomplish all my goals as I wanted to, but I got better as a person and for me that's all right. Here's to 2012!

PS. Per brilliant psychic/author, Victoria Laurie (http://victorialaurie.com/), I am supposed to complete my half marathon this year and will decide to and complete a full marathon next year. And I'm supposed to meet a tall, funny, blond or fair complected guy around September who Victoria loves for me. With that echoing in my mind, I've had the best running week evah! Which is good because I'm way behind training for a half marathon that happens in a little over two months!

I got my own month! True story

My own month!  It's such an honor.  Although to be fair, one of my favorite restaurants may not have realized it was honoring me so much as the food of my nickname.  Sweet Tomatoes (http://www.souplantation.com) is having potato month and I've decided to take it as a personal honor.

This has been a pretty decent month for me.  I ran/walked/crawled my way through my first 5K.  I figured out I have finally reached the point where I weigh less than I did in college and am a size-ish away from where I want to be at the end of the year and about 9 lb from where I want to weigh by the end of the year.  

Sweet Tomatoes is one of those places that can be a great, healthy thing for me or a downfall.  It's a salad bar place, but as so many magazines warn just because it's a salad doesn't mean it's healthy or low calorie and Sweet Tomatoes has seriously good muffins and desserts.  Luckily, my approach to my diet in general works perfectly here.  Since I'm a brat and don't like to be denied my good stuff (AKA high calorie and delicious), I start strategically by adding stuff.  In this case, I pile the veggies high and choose other stuff more carefully.  Sure, I could add on a ton of dressing and cheese to my salad or I can pile every veggie I can stand and be sparing with the dressing and maybe only a sprinkle of cheese. I do not count calories because I'm not mathematically inclined, but I figure a plateful of veggies followed by some lean meat and more veggies in a soup (I love their chili- deep kettle or three bean turkey) allows me some room for chocolate lava cake or gooey caramel pumpkin cake (which sneaks in more fruit).  I'm trying to focus on not consuming empty calories.  If I eat something I want it to be something halfway beneficial to me or something I really want because it tastes amazing.  Every once in awhile, I'll luck out and find something that accomplishes both.

It's not the size of the Tater, it's how you use it

Ok, it's the size of the Tater also.

I have been slacking off on the writing purpose (and thus existence) of this blog, but I have been keeping up with the other part.

As usual, I haven't been cutting out all the bad stuff.  I had an enchilada/fajita plate for lunch, but I brought home leftovers AND the enchilada had tomatillo sauce on it. Since my allergies/sinuses have been bugging me, I consider it medicinal. Unfortunately, the tomatillo sauce was a little wimpy so the sinuses are still wonky (I'm a healthcare professional; I hope my medical terminology does not confuse you). I've been making small changes. Sour cream would always accompany my fajita taco; now I skip it and usually skip the cheese or use the cheese sparingly.  I've found it does not make a huge difference in the taste but it cuts the calories a tad.  I have been adding fresh fruit and adding veggies where I can and I also try to have some milk or Greek yogurt. I can feel a difference in my bones when I run whether or not I'm getting enough dairy. If the hips hurt, it's time to have a glass of milk or a thing of yogurt or a slice of cheesecake. Whatever gets the job done.

I've thought about going all out and doing a stricter diet.  I look at people more fit and thinner than I am and think I need to do it like them, but they're not me. I love sweets and I make an effort to control the portion, but I will not be cutting them out.  My main eating plan is balance.  I had a crappy day of eating; it happens.  The next day I'll start better and eat a few more vegetables. But the Oreos may happen again. They're sneaky and delicious (especially the Halloween ones; is artificial orange food coloring especially delicious or is it me?)

I have been stepping up on the whole exercise thing. I decided that I wanted to finish a 5K or two and then do a half marathon in March. So, I stepped up the running then I felt myself once again starting to feel unmotivated.  Before I could think of more excuses and I'm surprisingly creative so I had more than one at the ready, I signed up for the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure 5K.  At work.  This was to keep from ducking out on the run I had planned for after work.  That worked.  I did three 5K's a week for the next few weeks up until race week and then, bizarrely, I couldn't run due to rain. I surprised myself though and the 5K wasn't bad.  I have no idea how my time was because my phone died (temporarily, but for 24 hours it was touch and go) and it was a bit disorganized  as far as where we should line up and start. I was able to run for a longer time period without stopping though and I timed it out right so I could run across the finish line.  I did more walking than I wanted to, but my main goal with this one was to run some and not walk all and to be breathing at the end (well, throughout really).  My next 5K is the Layla Grace Foundation run during the first weekend in December and I want to run 75-100% of that one.  I also plan on adding mileage to prep for the NOLA half in March (and make the 5K in December a tad easier).

Happily, these small dietary changes and the increase o exercise have paid off. I am now about 10 lbs lighter than I was when I graduated college and am able to wear a size larger than I did when I graduated high school.  I still have quite a bit to do. I was heavy in college and not exactly a lightweight in high school. As absolutely thrilling as it is to not shop exclusively in the plus sizes anymore (the ladies are large; a plus size shirt may always be in the cards for me), I'm excited to be able to do more than I used.  I avoided  running in all forms like the plague since I was a little kid. I remember making an excuse when someone asked me to fill in on a kickball team for a night when I was in my twenties.  Now, I think I would give it a shot.  I'd still be bad because the coordination would still be lacking, but now I feel like I could run to the base and have enough energy to keep going and make it home. 

All the Taties Who are Independent

I'm influenced fairly easily. I absorb people's mood (I'll spin that and say I'm empathetic) and I may adopt catch phrases from other people. Oddly enough, "que chulo" didn't come from me, but from one of my best friends, Belia. I know people who are worst; one of my other best friends has picked up accents from places she has visited and a few select places she has never been to (hearts Amanda, you quirky little dear).

With that in mind, I've been re-evaluating whether or not my mental goals are my own. Have I fallen into that peer pressure crowd? The all-the-cool-kids-are-doing-this mentality? I know a few people who are runners and I'm wondering if I've fallen into a trap. Do I just want to be cool like them? Do I really want to be a runner?

The short answer to the last two questions are yes and yes.

In this case, peer pressure is a good thing. I do want to be cool like my runner friends. I want to know the accomplishment they've known by completing a 5K, a 10K, and a half marathon. I'd like to have that endurance and strength and the pretty medals. Some of my running friends have also traveled to some cool locations to compete in races.

Being a runner has advantages I'd like to have. I want to be able to run, to not get winded so quickly.  Stereotypical fat kid that I was (am?), I was chosen last for every sports team imaginable in elementary. As an adult, I remember distinctly making up an excuse to avoid being on a kickball team for work. Part of it was my lack of foot-eye coordination since I often kick at air instead of the ball, but a bigger part was I was scared that I wouldn't be able to run the bases. I also have a slightly more obscure reason for wanting to run. Perhaps(ok, so it totally is), this is due to my love of crime fiction ( books, TV, etc), but I'd also like to be able to run from danger or to help thwart it.

I have my reasons for wanting to run, some based on envy, some on righting past hardships, some more health minded, and some that are to handle a less than likely scenario. Even though envy does not seem like an exactly pure motive, it is mine. I can spin it again and say that my running friends are my mentors. In a way they are, in another way I really want to steal their medals and run away, but I'll need to get a lot faster before that'll work out for me.

Reheating a Tater

I have been a neglectful tater. Not only have I not been updating this blog, but I have been slacking off fitness wise. I have an excuse. I bought a house. Not a house I love, but one that makes sense and has everything that we wanted. It was a mad, frantic search and finally I’m here.

The purpose of this blog was to keep me writing and to motivate/ keep me accountable to get healthier and in shape. Through the stress of the house buying and the upcoming move and I was just in wedding, I did not deal with my stress in a healthy way. No running. Slacking on the push-ups for the #2011pushupchallenge. No yoga. Mostly, I just frantically searched for owner financed homes on har.com and consoled myself with Ben & Jerry’s.

Whenever my mom has one of her pity parties as she calls them, she sees a blind person.  To her, this is God’s smack to the back of the head (NCIS Gibbs’ style) for her to stop feeling sorry for herself, be thankful for what she has, and keep on trucking. Well, hopefully God doesn’t say keep on trucking, but you get the idea.  It sounds crazy, but several people, myself included, have seen this happen. 

That seems like a strange little story to put in there, but I have gotten my own blind person/smack to the back of the head recently. I was stressed and unmotivated to the point of not exactly giving up, but not putting forth any effort either.  In my head, I was going through the speech a coach gives their team when they’re down by 20 with a minute left in the fourth of their playoff game. You had a good run, let’s finish this game with your heads held high.

Perhaps I spent too much time around coaches in my formative years.

I was just entertaining those thoughts when fate smacked me.  It came in  a few different forms.

1.                    Annie and Becca, the evil genius minds behind the #2011pushupchallenge, decided to switch things up a bit on the challenge. As we get further along on reps, a few people are needing an extra day of rest. Enter a few tweets/Facebook messages and I have been recruited to be the leader of the third team. What does this mean? It means no more slacking on sculpting my guns (side note: with crazy real estate happenings this week, I did slack, but I’ll be back on the wagon now that I am moved from the hotel to the house),

2.                    The smack for this one happened in a series of light smacks from several different sources.  I keep slacking on running.  I had originally planned to run a 5K at the end of April in Fredericksburg.  When I figured out that I could not afford a weekend jaunt to Fredericksburg, my training fell to the wayside. I had been doing three or four runs a week increasing my distance and my time spent running each time (I utilize a walk/run method). I hadn’t built up a lot of distance but I was going a little over two miles which would have put me on track for completing a 5K.  My runs dwindled when my goal disappeared. In the back of my mind though, I remembered the Rock N Roll Half Marathon in Vegas. I believe Annie was the one who brought it to my attention first then I looked at the website- stripatnight.com.  Running the strip at night! How fun, but it seemed out of reach- physically and financially. Once the 5K didn’t happen it seemed even less likely. Then all of a sudden the RNR half seemed more prominent. I kept seeing great deals for Vegas airfare (it is way cheaper flying from Houston). We talked about it at work; my manager has run several half marathons and when he found out it was at night in December, he was intrigued.  Then my cousin Missy started running again. She had to take a time out earlier this year after a surgical procedure and now she’s back and I see her updates on Twitter and Facebook. We talked this last weekend and once again the Vegas Half popped up which just so happens to be on her birthday.  She suggested we could do it economically if we split the hotel room. The half takes place in 6 months less a day; I know I’ll need to throw a 5K in the mix somewhere but this is my new goal.  So running tomorrow (or today as I’m typing this on a Saturday night (try not to be jealous) and will post this when I can find some place with free Wi-Fi).

3.                    As I had mentioned initially, this blog was about my being more healthy and getting into better shape, but it is also about my writing.  I started slacking on keeping up with the blog back before I had a decent excuse. Then my head smack came in a rather delightful, non-smack like way. SpokenFor gave me a great comment that was incredibly encouraging.  It was just what I needed to get going again.

So in lieu of getting a concussion from the smacks to the head, I have decided to surrender.  I tried to be lazy, but apparently there are other plans and I am back on the way to being a hot potato (considering that we’ve already reached 100 degrees twice, I do mean that).

Smashed tater

Not smashed, maybe just slightly maimed.

I have fallen way off on my fitness, health goals. I've only run twice in the past two weeks and my eating habits have sucked. I've even fallen off the push-up wagon- not completely, but I used to never miss a day and I definitely have lately.

My stress level has increased and for awhile, I was handling it well. I was running, doing yoga, push ups, ab work etc to work off the stress.  Then the past three weeks I have been using chocolate therapy and have just felt exhausted. Intellectually I know this is the wrong move.  My energy level increases when I increase my activity level, yada, yada.

I have been dealing with a housing situation.  I got an offer for my house in the old city BUT it was below what I owe, but it's the only bite in six, nearly seven months so I'm negotiating with the mortgage company to accept it. My real estate agent in the old city while a nice lady is not one I could recommend, I feel like I am nagging her.With that in mind and that my credit is going to suck once that goes through, I am looking at owner finance homes in the new city. Thankfully, my real estate dude here is very eager and seems to have a good handle on things even though he looks 12 (we call him Junior or Doogie).So the stress has increased and like I said, not handling it very well.

Even though I have good reasons for stress, I realize that these are just excuses. So, tonight I bought some new running shorts and a shirt, yesterday I browsed Sports Authority, and tomorrow I'll begin attempt #3 to get back on the fitness track again.  Third time's the charm, no?

Tonight's blog is brief and not terribly witty but it was an attempt to get back on the writing track.  I talked to a patient today about how I like to write and then smacked myself upside the head (mentally) when I realized there was no good reason why I wasn't doing something I enjoyed.

Pushing up Tater

I have a vague recollection of a random tweet from @annieology about push ups- doing one on 1/1 then two on 2/2 and I was thinking, hmm, she has a goal of a dozen push ups? Oh- kaay. Like I said the recollection was vague and I am a natural (and artificially enhanced) blonde. A week or three later, I paid more attention.

A push up for every day of the year. 1,2,3... 365 push ups?! In one day? Crazypants!

Yet, intriguing.

So, around the end of January I went for it. I did about ten push up all on my knees. Then I did a few more until I caught up with the rest of the crowd and then I did push ups every other day on my team's day (team odd).  Yesterday, even though it was an even day, I celebrated day 100 with 100 push ups. Yep, celebrated. With push ups. Our cult  fun group is wild like that.

What is amazing about the push up challenge is how it creeps into other areas of your life.  For me, it helped lead to other things. I have always struggled with my weight and for the most part the weight has won. When I started the push up challenge, I was half heartedly giving the weight loss thing another whirl. With the #2011pushupchallenge, I did my push ups if I did nothing else. I have more than once gotten out of bed at 1130 or 1150 (or 1230 am and I pretend I'm in a different time zone) and finished (or started) my push ups.  It inspired discipline for me and I found myself ready to do more things.

I never anticipated being able to do so many push ups at one time before so I decided to try something else I did not anticipate being able to do- run. I'm a fat girl, I have a bad ankle, and I'm truly klutzy. Running and I should not really mix.  That being said for the past few years I've wanted to be a runner. So,  I gave it a try. My first few days were not fun at all. My ankle did indeed hate me with a fiery passion that reflected within the joint itself.  Then my ankle calmed down and my hip decided to tighten up to within an inch of its life. Luckily, I'm in physical therapy and know really cool stretches that helped that out and was able to analyze my own gait to see what was bugging me. Now, a couple months later, I'm still not running a mile without pause or anything close to it, but I'm utilizing a walk/run method that works for me for two miles. I still walk most of it, but I'm running more than I thought I would.

The #2011pushupchallenge's method may seem very simplistic and not challenging to some of the more hard core athletes, but it builds a great base. Before I may have gotten frustrated with not being able to run a 5K in a month(I may have a bit of an issue with patience), but now I look at running in steps. In January I could not have imagined finishing 100 push ups, but that's what I did yesterday. Knowing that means, I know I'm able to reach my goals. I'll be able to run a 5K by mid May and if another of @annieology's crazy ideas comes to fruition, I'll run Beach to Bay with her next May and MAYBE a half marathon in December.

So this is my invitation, my challenge for all my friends and family, etc, join up with @annieology or @beccascrazyboys and push up.  Start today with one or tomorrow with two and end the year with 265 push ups! Or if you want to be hard core, catch up with us!

PS As far as the weight loss thing goes, I am down two sizes since the holidays.